Linda's Positively Speaking Blog

Please Let Me Give You More Money

Mon, 17 Jun 2013 00:44:00 GMT

I am a motivational speaker by profession, but I used to be an actor for many years. As such, my favorite pastime whenever I'm not working is to go see live theater. So last week I saw Noah Racey's Pulse at the Asolo State Theater. Four times. In one week. And if the show hadn't closed today, I would have seen it again.

Why? It was brilliant. It was stunning. But mostly it was people doing what they LOVE and are PASSIONATE about. It was a small cast of ridiculously talented performers who brought everything they had out on that stage. They left NOTHING behind. Nothing. They gave 1000% to every single moment and simply radiated happiness and joy. And I caught that joy. Me and every other person in the audience. We screamed and yelled and cheered. We jumped up in spontaneous standing ovations during the show. We laughed and cried and clapped and played along with the performers. We, as audience members, totally escaped from any problems, strife or misery we may have in our lives and CAUGHT the joy and happiness of the performers. We were transformed. We were, on some level, healed.

Walking out of the theater (make that floating out), I struck up a conversation with a man who was seated near me. We remarked how we felt like we had been on the receiving end of a HUGE gift. Suddenly he remarked, "I felt like after the show was over I should go put some more money on the stage. I got SO much more than I paid for."

Yes! Yes! He was SO right! And I thought, wow! What would happen if I gave that much of myself to my work? To every single conference keynote presentation I did? To all my relationships? I wonder how much happier I would be? How much happier the people around me would be?

Why not find (or rediscover) what it is about your work that you love and you are passionate about? Find it, fully embrace it and unabashedly infuse it into your daily life. See what happens. Who knows? Maybe you will make people SO happy that they want to give you more money than you asked for. You just never know.

To book motivational speaker Linda Larsen for your next conference, contact her at 941-927-4700 or at www.lindalarsenmotivationalspeaker.com

Thanks and Thanks and Ever Thanks

Wed, 12 Jun 2013 01:45:00 GMT

William Shakespeare could have been a motivational speaker in his time, because wow - did he have a way with words. In Twelfth Night, Sebastian doesn't merely toss a casual "thanks" in Antonio's direction after he has been extended such kind concern and thoughtfulness. Instead he says, "I can no other answer make but thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks."

Apparently Sebastian knew things. Things like how people LOVE it when you extend your sincere, heartfelt appreciation to them for something they have done. They reeeeally love it. It makes them want to do more for you.

So without attaching an ulterior motive to your expressions of gratitude, I'm going to extend a challenge to you. I've got a graduate level challenge and a undergraduate level challenge. Here they are:

Undergraduate Challenge: Each day for the next thirty days, think of one person you know who has done something nice for you, or just done something pretty wonderful. Someone you would like to acknowledge and/or thank for that great thing they did. And then email, call, go face-to-face, or send an actual real live card in the mail (Hey - go send a thank you card for F.R.E.E. right here. One of them - free. Stamp and all. On me.) Thirty days. One person each day.

Graduate Challenge: Do the exact same thing but do it for three people each day for a total of NINETY people at the end of the thirty days.

When you are finished with the challenge, I promise you - you are going to feel amazing just knowing that you put massive positive energy out into the world. And you are going to make a LOT of people feel pretty fabulous as well.

And to you I say...what else? Thanks, and thanks, and ever thanks.

To book motivational speaker Linda Larsen to speak at your next conference, call 941-927-4700

Just Give Me Some Kind Of Sign

Tue, 28 May 2013 00:03:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker on customer service, I'm always looking for examples of great, and not-so-great customer service. And I didn't have to look far last week.

When I walked up to the counter at the department store, ready to pay for my purchase, the sales person was looking at some kind of document with another sales person. I stood there for a moment or two, assuming that any second one of them would look up. I mean, you KNOW when someone has approached you and is standing about three feet away from you, right? You can feel it.

Well, they both might have felt it - but they ignored that feeling while they continued to look at the paper and make a few remarks about why those items couldn't be found in the system. I continued to wait - for what felt like twenty minutes. (Okay, okay I know it wasn't twenty minutes.) Finally one of them looked up at me and simply held out her hand for me to gratefully place my purchase in it.

Without going into the details of my emotional state at the moment, let me just say this. Whether you are a sales clerk, a front desk receptionist or a service provider of any kind, when a client, patient, guest or customer walks into your world and you sense they are in your world - acknowledge them. Lift your little eyeballs up to them and smile. If you are able to, say something like, "Hi! I'll be right with you." If you are in the middle of something (on the phone or with another person) give them the same message non-verbally. Let them know somehow that THEY have just popped up very high on your priority list and you KNOW they are there.

Just give them SOME kind of happy sign.

To give your audience more great ideas on how to provide Positively Outstanding Customer Service, call Linda at 941-927-4700 to book her for your next conference.

Motivational Speaker Makes the Case for Compassion

Wed, 22 May 2013 15:10:00 GMT

It's true, many women in our town are jealous of her. And to the outside world she does look...well...perfect. She is a successful financial advisor in her own firm, gorgeous, with a beautiful home, a handsome husband and two smart accomplished daughters. Because she works out regularly she is in AMAZING shape and wears clothes that most 55 year old women could never get away with. When she walks down the street, men driving by get whiplash checking her out. Oh yes. She is perfect.

Or is she?

Because I am her close friend, I know the "back story." I know the struggles with health issues, the unhappy marriage, the betrayal and the fears that she keeps hidden from the world. We share our painful memories and the embarrassing experiences that we never share with anyone else. With each other we can be real, flawed and desperately imperfect.

And I wonder. If these people who resent or envy her knew about the things that have happened to her, the pain she has suffered and the courage she demonstrates every day of her life, would they feel less threatened by her? Would they be kinder and more relaxed in their interactions with her? Would they be more...compassionate?

I don't know who originally said it, but whenever I find myself starting to get annoyed, jealous, frustrated or resentful of someone, I stop and remind myself of this powerful thought:

Every person you meet has a story that would break your heart.

It instantly makes a brilliant case for compassion.

To book motivational speaker Linda Larsen for your next event, contact her at 941-927-4700 or go to www.lindalarsen.com.

Magician Meteorologist Makes Mincemeat of Motivational Speaker Wife

Sun, 12 May 2013 22:58:00 GMT

Why would a perfectly rational adult woman who calls herself a funny motivational speaker be okay with allowing her meteorologist husband to endeavor to saw her in half? The answer may very well surprise you. It could also spice up your relationship! Click here to read: Weatherman Saws Motivational Speaker in Half

Calling All Multi-taskers!

Tue, 07 May 2013 14:10:00 GMT

No, you DON'T need a motivational speaker to tell you that men and women approach tasks differently, but I do it in a way that's..um...different. In fact, I can't even TELL you about it - I have to show you. So here you go.

To bring Linda Larsen and her Swiveling Antenna to your next conference, call 941-927-4700 or contact her at www.lindalarsen.com

Are You With Me?

Mon, 01 Apr 2013 02:13:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker on communication, I frequently talk about how we communicate nonverbally by gesturing with our head. And what does this gesture called nodding mean? If you are making a presentation to a prospect does their nodding mean they are ready to buy? Well, that may depend upon whether you are talking to a man or a woman.

While this is a generalization, the idea is that men nod to communicate agreement, while women nod to indicate they are listening. The problem arises when we interpret the nodding of someone of the opposite sex to mean what WE would mean.

Let's take the example of a male salesperson and a female customer. He is talking about his proposal. She is listening and while doing so, frequently nods (again, from her perspective, to communicate, "I'm listening. I'm with you.") He walks away from the presentation and tells his manager that it went really well. "She seems ready to buy!"

Whoops. Houston, we might have a problem.

Here's the bottom line. We simply need to be aware of the differences between how men and women communicate. As a woman, listening to a man espouse a point of view I don't necessarily agree with, I want to make certain that I keep my nodding to an absolute minimum. Or, if I am the salesperson talking to a male customer and he is NOT nodding, I mustn't think that he isn't listening, doesn't hear me or isn't interested.

And men, if a woman is talking to you, don't think that nodding to her while she's speaking will indicate agreement. She'll probably not interpret your nodding to mean that. More than likely she'll simply get the sense that you are tuned in and listening. And that builds rapport - a good thing! Conversely, if you are talking and she is nodding her head off, don't interpret that to mean she agrees. She could be simply letting you know that she is hearing you.

The bottom line is that by understanding what a gesture or piece of communication might mean to a person of the opposite sex, you can not only more accurately interpret what they are saying, but you can adjust your communication accordingly. It's called flexibility.

Are you with me? I can't see whether you are nodding or not...

To kick off your next conference with funny motivational speaker Linda Larsen, contact her at 941-927-4700 or at www.lindalarsen.com

Motivational Speaker Experiences Nightmare on Stage

Thu, 28 Mar 2013 07:00:00 GMT

I just read a GREAT blog post by the wickedly funny motivational speaker Brad Montgomery on the Worst Audience for a Motivational Speaker. He was so forthcoming with some of his experiences that it made me want to share one of mine. And it was, indeed, a nightmare.

I was hired to be the closing funny motivational speaker for a company's annual event to be held in Cancun. It goes without saying that I was extremely HAPPY when they called me for this job. But before I could get my bathing suit packed and lose 10 pounds, the meeting planner told me that I was to be the after dinner speaker. Aw geez. I HATED hearing that. After dinner is a horrible time to speak since people are tired and have had a glass of wine or two. But then again, it's Cancun. So I say yes - ignoring the little voice in the back of my head yelling, "No! Don't do it! You'll be sorry!"

First lesson in all this: Listen to your danged little voice.

Saturday, the closing day of the event arrives and here's the picture: Four hundred attendees have been in training/breakout sessions for 2 days. They are tired and ready to part-A! They finish their last morning session at noon and head to the beach.

Oh, did I forget to mention that this is an "all-inclusive" resort? Meaning every single drink that anyone wants is free. F.RE.E. free.

They spend 6 hours drinking and baking on the beach before they have to go back to their hotel rooms and change into their favorite movie character costumes for dinner. Oh no. I am not kidding. Movie character costumes.

They have cocktails at 7:00 p.m. Oh right, like they NEED more liquor. They have dinner around 8 p.m and then I was SUPPOSED to go on at 9:00 p.m. But noooooooo. They don't call me up until 10:00 p.m. TEN FLIPPIN' PM!

Oh, and get this - besides having a large stage in the front of the ballroom for me, they ALSO had a second HUGE round stage in the MIDDLE of the room for the band who was going to play when I finished. So not only am I the only thing standing between the audience and their wild and crazy dancing party - but the band stage blocks the entire back half of the ballroom off! In other words HALF the people there couldn't SEE me! And I couldn't see them! Oh but I could hear them, alright. They were laughing and screaming really loudly. Not at my hysterically funny stuff, I should mention. Rather at whatever craziness was going on back there.

Then again, I wish the people in the front of the ballroom had been blocked off too. Can you imagine how nightmarish it was to look down at the front few tables and see Jaba the Hutt putting the moves on a sunburned, big boobied Marilyn Monroe? Or hear the burp contest going on between Forrest Gump and Roger Rabbit? At least Harry Potter was quiet. Or stoned. Or asleep. Not too sure.

I will spare you the horrid details of my talk. Suffice it to say that I cut my one hour talk down to twenty minutes (which still felt like 3 days.) When I finished I resisted the urge to run off stage, grab a dinner fork and poke my eyes out. I simply said "thank you" (to whom I have NO idea) and walked straight off stage and out a side door into an empty storage room. I dropped to the floor, ripped my hideously uncomfortable shoes off, and alternately laughed, cried and thanked God I was done.

Maybe the moral of this story is this: Everyone gets an unruly audience occasionally. People who, for whatever reason, don't get us, don't like us, or are just too drunk to do anything but drool. We can let them define us - or we can choose to find the lessons AND the humor in the experience and move on. AND, we can do what Brad Montgomery did, we can SHARE our experiences with others so they know they are not alone.

So how about you? Got a good nightmare you'd like to share?

To book Linda as the motivational keynote speaker at your next conference (preferably not after dinner) contact her at 941-927-4700.

Want $150? Just Ask For It!

Wed, 27 Mar 2013 18:44:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker, one of my biggest messages to my audiences is to boldly step up and ask for what you want. And probably because I talk about it so often, I actually remember to do it most of the time. This morning was one of those times - and it had a big payoff.

I made a mistake on an online reservation I made on American Airlines about 36 hours ago. I fly a lot with Delta and have some sort of special status with them, but I don't fly much with AA. When I contact them they are like, "Linda who?" So when I called just now to ask if I could change my reservation without any penalty, the response was, "No not now. If you had called within 24 hours you could have, but not now. Now it will cost you $150."

Okay here was my strategy. It was Two Pronged:

I was nice to her. Really sincerely nice to her. I fell on my sword, took 100% responsibility for the error and asked for her help to waive the fee. When she said she couldn't do it, I moved to Prong Two.
I asked her if there was another person I could appeal to for help to get this waived. She transferred me to another department. At this point I repeated Prong One. Nice, really nice, appreciative, respectful and nice. That person said she couldn't do it but would transfer me to another department. And the representative in THAT department - actually made it happen. Bam! I put $150 back into my pocket.

Here's the thing. When the very first representative said, "You waited too long and unfortunately there is no way to waive that fee," every instinct in my body said that it was hopeless and I should give up. But I didn't. I just took a deep breath and asked again. AND - I stayed pleasant and apologetic the whole time.

Doesn't this make you wonder how many times you may have given up too soon when someone told you "no?" It surely does me. So I say - let's just ask!

From your very happy motivational speaker Linda Larsen, $150 richer

The Best Parenting Advice EVER!

Tue, 26 Mar 2013 15:44:00 GMT

I think I became a motivational speaker because I wanted to help people live their very happiest, healthiest and best lives. I see thousands of people in my audiences every year who are living with beliefs about themselves that are not only untrue, but frequently undermine their success in all areas of their lives. I have often wished that our parents had known how they needed to live and what they needed to teach their children to prevent this pain that so many of us experience in life.

Today I discovered a parenting roadmap that I desperately wish I'd had when I was raising my son. I'm going to share it with you now and ask you that you pass it on to anyone you know who either has children or is planning on having children. It's brilliant.

Click here for Dr. Brene Brown's The Wholehearted Parenting Manifesto. You can actually print it out from this site.

That's Just the Way I Am - And Other Pitiful Myths

Thu, 07 Mar 2013 22:09:00 GMT

You've seen it, right? When accused of something like, "You're so messy (lazy, self-centered, disorganized....whatever) the person responds with, "Yes, well. That's just the way I am." As if somehow, that makes it okay.

Doesn't that make you crazy? Don't you want to fire back, "Really? You have a 'messy' DNA encoding?"

But, if we are really honest, I think we would all admit that there is something about us that we really do believe is "just the way we are." And while it feels like WE are justified in our thinking, we know that it's no more attractive when we do it than when THEY do it. Here's a way to get past this unattractive, self-limiting mindset and exponentially improve our lives.

In the moment that you hear yourself think or say, "That's just the way I am" - stop and immediately change it to, "No, that's the way I am choosing to be."

BAM! That will smack you upside the head like a frying pan! Because it's true! That is exactly what you are doing. You are CHOOSING to be like that. Now you can also choose to continue the behavior if you want to (and suffer the same limitations), but you can no longer blame it on those unseen forces that MAKE you behave a certain way. You'll be taking ownership of the problem - which means you can take ownership of the solution.

Please know that I'm not talking about things like nationality, gender, sexual orientation, etc. Clearly if you are, let's say, Italian, you could say, "I'm Italian. And that's just the way I am!"

From your Italian motivational speaker Linda Larsen

How to Get People to Say YES! to You

Mon, 04 Mar 2013 17:06:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker, I learned early on about the importance of, what I call, the "Like Factor."

Studies show that we say yes to people we like. We accept more of their ideas, buy more of their products and services, will pay a higher price and will remain fiercely loyal to them for a long time. The question then is, how do we increase that Like Factor in our relationships.

Research shows that we quite simply tend to like people who like us. When we find out that someone likes us, the thinking might go something like this, "Well, if he likes me, he must be really smart, astute and a fine judge of character - therefore, I like him!"And it stands to reason then, that if you want more people to like you - you must start liking more people - more.

Okay fine. But what about that co-worker who is simply a pain-in-the-@$$ know-it-all jerk that NO ONE likes. Well, first ask yourself this question, "If we had a good relationship, wherein I liked him and he liked me, would my life be better?" If the answer is yes - then here's what you can do to increase your liking for him.

Look for something that you like about him. Come on, now. Don't say he doesn't have anything. He does. You just may have to look really, really hard for it, but I assure you it's there somewhere. Then, when you find it, tell him sincerely how much you like, appreciate or respect that aspect of him.

Warning: If you haven't had the greatest of relationships up to this point, don't expect him to scream for joy, throw his arms around you and try to give you all his money. It won't happen. In fact, he may be suspicious of your motives. Ignore it. Just genuinely, sincerely and truthfully tell him again that you like "x" about him - and then leave it alone.

Gradually (and the operative word here is gradually) look for other ways to communicate your liking for him, or things about him. Be patient and relaxed about it. Make certain you don't overwhelm him with your unsolicited love and affection - which could justifiably make him wary. Take your time and be honest. You'll be astounded at what may transpire.

Interestingly, studies also show that if your relationship began with him NOT liking you, and then he GRADUALLY came around to liking you, he may ultimately like you more than if he had liked you from the very beginning! Now isn't that cool!

From your motivational speaker Linda Larsen - committed to helping you get what you want!

Fun Twist on the Bucket List

Mon, 25 Feb 2013 16:57:00 GMT

I recently read a blog post by funny motivational speaker Tim Richardson about his Bucket List and it made me stop and think. While I don't have an actual bucket list, I did create something that I love a LOT that I would like to share with you.

About 16 years ago I gave my husband, John Scalzi (the single most amazing man on the planet) three sheets of paper. I put one title at the top of each page. They were as follows:

Things I Would Like to Own
Things I Would Like to Do
Things That Make Me Really Happy

I asked him to write at least 50 things on each sheet, with no restrictions or limitations whatsoever. He was not to censor his answers with logical thoughts like, "Well, that's not possible." I told him to just have fun. Essentially, I was asking him to create a sort of bucket list for himself - but one that he would turn over to me. When he was done, he gave me the list and I said nothing more about it. As far as I know, he totally forgot that he even did this for me.

Over the years, whenever I have wanted to give him a gift, or just bring him happiness for no reason, all I have to do is refer to his list and I have a sure-fire, home-run, ding! ding! ding! hit. You should have SEEN the look on his eyes the year when he opened the package to discover his very own set of night vision goggles! Of course, for a solid week I found him up at 2 a.m., skulking around the yard wearing nothing but his pajamas and his prized goggles looking for, I don't know what...crickets?

And while I may never be able to get him that hydraulic car lift for the garage (you heard me right,) I probably COULD actually go camping with him... It's been 16 years and I'm still working up to that one.

From your happy funny motivational speaker Linda Larsen, rolling in gift ideas

Don't Just Stand There - PRODUCE Something!

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 20:27:00 GMT

One of the cool things about being in the funny motivational speaking business, is that I get to know some really wonderful funny motivational speakers. .What you may not know is that most funny motivational speakers also deliver some fabulous bottom line information. Here's a PERFECT example:

Recently, the ridiculously funny, smart and slightly skewed Bill Stainton posted this wonderful, short video on "Production." Oh it's good. Really good. You will want to heed his advice and share this with EVERYONE you know!!

A STELLAR Margarita Recipe for National Margarita Day

Fri, 22 Feb 2013 16:38:00 GMT

When motivational speakers finish an event, many have been known to enjoy a good margarita. And I must say - I love a really good margarita. So when a friend of mine who used to work at a VERY famous hotel in NYC made one of these for me, I was certainly happy to do a taste test. After one sip, my eyes rolled back into my head, my lips started twisting and I burst into an aria. So when I say this margarita is PHENOMENALLY GREAT - I do NOT exaggerate.

CLICK HERE to find the recipe for liquid joy!

You're Talking a Hole in My Head

Thu, 21 Feb 2013 19:43:00 GMT

Let's face it. I'm a humorous motivational speaker by profession. I talk for a living. And it turns out I may have selected the exact right profession for someone like me - a woman.

TODAY's show host, David Gregory remarked recently that someone once accused him of talking a hole in their head because apparently, he's a very talkative man. But it seems he is the exception, not the rule. Researchers tells us that (generally speaking) women use around 20,000 per words per day while men use around 7,000. And now, believe it or not, they appear to have a biological reason for it.

A recent study at the University of Maryland School of Medicine found that women's brains have a higher level of a "language protein" called FOXP2.

Oh this is very, very VERY good news for me. And if you are a woman who likes to talk, then it should be as well for you.

From now on, if anyone accuses you of talking too much, you can now happily respond (and I do mean happily - like with a big smile on your face) with the following:

"Oh I know! I do, right? And you know why? Well, it turns out that according the University of Maryland School of Medicine my brain is chock full of this really cool 'language protein' called FOXP2! Isn't that cool! Now, back to what I was saying..."

Women. You gotta love us.

From your funny motivational speaker, Linda Larsen, overflowing with FOXP2

You Want Me To Do WHAT?

Sat, 16 Feb 2013 05:30:00 GMT

I believe that the quality of our lives is in direct proportion to the quality of how we talk to ourselves and others. And part of my job as a motivational speaker is to help people recognize when something they are saying isn't very effective, and give them a better way of saying it. And here's one you've probably either heard - or said yourself:

"You can't possibly expect me to_______." You fill in the blank.

Stay late
Do the dishes
Give you money
Do your work and mine

See, here's the deal. That person COULD expect it - by virtue of the fact that they asked you for it. There is no rule about what someone can or cannot expect. Their request (however unreasonable you think it is) is merely a request - nothing more. And once they make that request, then you have the option of accepting or declining it.

The next time someone makes what you consider to be an unreasonable request, simply take a deep breath, and think to yourself, "Okay. She is asking for what she wants. I can accept or decline." Then simply say, in a neutral, relaxed manner, "I decline," or simply, "No."

When you do it this way, without the offensive, defensive, aggravated tone that usually exacerbates these kinds of situations - you are putting yourself in the control seat and increasing the odds that you will create a better outcome.

Love the One You're With

Wed, 13 Feb 2013 08:00:00 GMT

People who have actually died and then come back to life report an experience, or feeling or sense that they were confronted with two questions as they made their transition. They were:

What did you learn in this lifetime and
How did you expand your capacity to love

Why not expand your capacity to live right now - this Valentine's Day? Here's a great way:

Tell your loved one, "I love you so very much. And while I show you my love in ways that might work for me, I need to know - what lets YOU know that YOU are loved by me? What could I do or say that would unequivocally tell you how much I cherish you?"

Get specifics. Does he want you to TELL him with words? Does she like for you to simply LOOK into her eyes with that special look? Does he like for you to hug him for no reason? Does she like little notes, cards or gifts?

My amazing husband, John Scalzi (a/k/a the Weather Muffin) thought I liked cards - with heartfelt messages inside, which I do! And he has given me a lot of great ones. But MORE than that, I love it when he kisses me for absolutely no reason at all (see the picture above where he clearly is practicing!) But I also learned that HE feels loved by ME when I acknowledge him for all the things he does. So tomorrow, I'll be giving him a handwritten list called, the Top 25 Reasons Why I Love and Appreciate YOU!

Yes, love the one you're with - the way that THEY want to be loved!

From your happy motivational speaker, Linda Larsen

What's Sex Got To Do With It?

Tue, 12 Feb 2013 08:00:00 GMT

The good news is that as a funny motivational speaker, I get to have fun with the differences between men and women. And while this one is loaded with generalities, there is a lot of truth in the information, and benefits to be enjoyed by employing some of the ideas.

Women -if you are talking to a man:

Get to the point as quickly as possible
Before you START to talk to a man, distill what you want to say down to 3 to 5 sentences
Use words like: "The bottom line is..."
If you have to deal with a lot of details, consider putting them in writing and leave the information with the other person to go over later
Minimize the amount of nodding you do (Stay tuned to the next blog post for WHY this one is important!)

Men - if you are talking to a woman:

Don't forget to use a warm greeting when you approach. Smily, say, "hi"
If she is giving you more information than you need, say something like, "Carol, help me understand. What's the bottom line?" (Resist the temptation to say, "What in the heck is your point here?")
Give her good eye contact while she's talking
Nod occasionally to let her know you are listening

Again we are talking generalities. In fact, there are specific personality types (regardless of gender) who prefer one style over another. And remember, we are not talking about right or wrong, simply about what works best for different people. If you want to get heard, consider shifting your communication style to that of the other person.

From your motivational speaker Linda Larsen (still trying to use less words...)

Want A Raise? Here's How to Increase Your Odds!

Wed, 06 Feb 2013 08:00:00 GMT

Many women think it's impolite to talk about money. AND, women are usually underpaid. Coincidence? I think not.

And - men are FOUR times more likely to negotiate first salary offers which results in $500,000 more in their paychecks by age 60!

As a motivational speaker on personal and professional growth and development, I frequently get asked what can women - and men do to increase the odds that they will get a raise when they ask.

Here are a few things to consider.

First, let's assume that you have already done one very important thing, either early in your tenure at your company, or in advance of asking for a raise. Tell your boss that you are committed to providing exceptional value to the company. Ask him or her what you need to do, in terms of your work, extra training, or anything that will help you earn your way up the ladder and provide an extraordinary ROI. Get this information so that you can do EXACTLY what you need to succeed. No need to guess.

Then...

Do your research. Find out your market value. What are others making who do similar work?
Document how you do what you do - better. What makes you invaluable? A great attitude? A willingness to stay late, come early, help others? Do you contribute at meetings? Do you treat the job as if you OWNED the company and you want it to succeed?
Document your tasks. You do WAY more things than your job description calls for. Write those things down.
Write down your talking points for your raise request meeting.
Practice what you are going to say. Ask a family member to listen to you while you rehearse.
Practice in front of a mirror. I know this sounds strange, but it works. What does your face look like while you are talking? Are you frowning? Do you look rigid and stern? Those facial expressions don't work! Think "relaxed, pleasant, confident."
Here's a really big one: Practice as if you expect a YES! There will be a subtle but powerful difference in how you come across and the outcome you get when you BELIEVE that you are deserving of getting what you want!
Pick the right time to ask. Be sensitive to conditions within the company that could impact your boss's ability to give you what you're asking for. Don't ask when she's juggling three time sensitive projects.
If you get a "no," remember: No doesn't always mean no. It may mean "no right now," or "no, not THAT much, but maybe less," or "no, I can't do a salary increase, but I can do other benefits."

By employing the above strategies, you CAN increase your odds that you will get the raise you DESERVE!

Linda Larsen, motivational speaker

Make 'Em See Red

Sun, 03 Feb 2013 08:00:00 GMT

It's not only motivational speakers who understand the value in paying attention to the tiniest of details when marketing themselves to their customers. Anyone in business today is aware of it. Even in professional sports, the difference between winning and losing, or coming in first rather than second, can be the result of the application of some extremely small idea or strategy.

So my question is this: When you are trying to get someone to say yes to you or your ideas, to promote or hire you, to buy your product or service, do you look at every single aspect of what objectively works in order to get results you want? Every single tiny one?

Let me give you an example. Researchers tracked the winners in several Olympic sports and found that when the match was close and all factors were equal, the athletes who wore red won more often than those wearing blue.

Now, can we say absolutely unequivocally that wearing red was the deciding factor? Maybe not, but if there is the possibility that wearing red could result in my being perceived as more of a "winner." Then I say - bring it.

And who knows, this could just be the subtle edge you need of you are applying for a job, negotiating a big deal or competing for the sale.

Make 'em see red - and possibly say YES!

From your motivational speaker Linda Larsen, the lady in red

A Second Chance at a Good First Impression

Sat, 02 Feb 2013 08:00:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker I fly to a lot of places around the country and I experience some great, and some not-so-great service from the airlines. But what happened this week on a US Airways flight was actually quite impressive.

When I asked the flight attendant for a glass of water before take off so that I could take a pill, she curtly replied, "You'll just have to wait. I can't do three things at once." And she walked away.

Oooooooh. I bristled. I'm certain that my one eyebrow (you know the one that can all by itself communicate the message, "EXCUSE me? WHAT did you say?") lifted about 2 inches off the top of my head. I sat there fighting off the impulse to say to her, "Look, missy. All you had to say was 'No problem. As soon as I'm finished with these other tasks, I'll get that right to you.'" I wanted to say that to her SO badly. But, she was busy, so I just sat there thinking of all my options on how I wanted to deal, or not deal with this.

And then she did it. She walked up to me, leaned over and whispered, "I am so sorry I was short with you. I just had several things go wrong and I took it out on you. I'm very sorry and extremely embarrassed."

Wow. I INSTANTLY let it go. In fact, I found myself repeatedly saying to her, "No, no. That's okay. I totally understand how that can happen."

And then I remembered something I read in Dr. David Lieberman's book, Get Anyone to Do Anything. He writes that if you do something inappropriate, do not try to defend your behavior. Instead, use the phrase, "I feel so embarrassed." Why? Because this one phrase accomplishes three important things. First it shows that you know what you did was unacceptable. Second, it shows that you are human and people actually like us more when we acknowledge something embarrassing and then take responsibility for it. Third, it shows complete honesty - and who doesn't want to deal with an honest person?

The bottom line is that you really could get a second chance to make a good first impression.

From your motivational speaker, Linda Larsen, who really IS embarrassed that it's been so long since she last posted a blog from this site.

What's The Problem Anyway

Thu, 23 Aug 2012 20:13:00 GMT

I was wearing my motivational speaker hat, getting ready to speak to a group of teachers. And while I was doing that - I was musing to myself. You know making one of those nonverbal sounds as I looked at the table the hotel audio/visual guy had brought me. I was thinking, "that's just about the perfect size for my props."

It was then the A/V man said to me, with zero friendliness, "What's the problem?"

My first thought was, "Huh? I don't have a problem. Why is he so cranky?"

Moral of the story. Do not ASSUME that there is a problem. And even if there IS a problem, don't use those words. Instead why not say, "Is there anything I can help with?"

Ahhhhh. Much better.

From your motivational speaker, Linda Larsen, with no problems to speak of...

How to Achieve GREATNESS!

Thu, 15 Mar 2012 07:00:00 GMT

I wear a lot of hats: Mom, wife, motivational speaker, author, and wannabe golfer – to name a few. And it was the method I used to help me improve my golf game that helps me whenever I’m trying to get really good at anything.

Children learn by observing the behaviors of their parents – and then imitating that behavior. Interestingly, adults can learn in much the say way. It’s called modeling. I realized this a long time ago when I repeatedly watched a golf video promising to help me improve my game. I just sat and WATCHED a great golfer hit each shot perfectly, over and over and over again. I watched each shot from many different angles. I watched sometimes for an hour at a time, many times per week, for several weeks. And, just as promised, my golf game improved.

Question: Who are you “watching?” Who are your role models? Who are you learning from – consciously or unconsciously? Whether it’s a sport, leadership, communication or parenting – find an expert and observe their behavior – a lot!

Now, gotta run. There’s a golf cart calling my name.\

From your golfing motivational speaker, Linda Larsen

The Compelling Case for Talking

Mon, 12 Mar 2012 07:00:00 GMT

An article in Psychology Today (December '08) reported that women who "self-silence" during arguments with their spouses are four times more likely to die over a ten year period that their peers who express themselves.

I don't know about other women, but I KNOW that when I have something I need to say that is important, it actually HURTS not to be able to express it. I can feel my whole body reacting negatively when some little sensor tells me to "keep it quiet."

And WHY might we do this self-silencing routine? Well, we might be operating on auto-pilot. Did you hear any of these messages growing up - more than once?

If you can't say something nice, don't say anything all
Little girls - sugar & spice and everything nice
Don't hurt his feelings - he might not like you anymore
Children should be seen and not heard

So women friends, pony up! Do what my friend, Meryl Runion suggests: "Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And don't be mean when you say it."

It just might save your life.

From your motivational speaker Linda Larsen...who might could use a little self-sensoring from time to time

How to Create REALLY Happy Customers Who LOVE You!

Wed, 07 Mar 2012 08:00:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker, I travel a LOT and I remember a very intriguing experience I had several years ago at the DCA airport. I picked a rental car from the National Car Rental lot and pulled up to the checkout kiosk. And when the young man turned around to take my information, something REALLY interesting happened. Now, before I tell you want happened, I need you to know that I was in what I call, a “neutral” emotional state. I wasn’t particularly happy, certainly not sad – just kind of neutral.

He turned around, took one look at me and broke into a HUGE smile and said, “Well HI! How ARE you?" He actually looked like he KNEW me and was REALLY REALLY happy to see me again. It startled me so much that, as I handed him my paperwork, I smiled back at him and said, “Well, I doing fine, thanks! And how are you today?”

He almost looked GIDDY when he replied, “I’m GREAT!”

Oh now I am VERY curious. Thinking he might have won the lottery or just seen Jennifer Aniston, I say to him, “Young man, I’m just wondering – why are you so great?”

Without a moment’s hesitation he said, “Well, BECAUSE! I have such AMAZING customers! They are just like you – they are ALWAYS laughing and smiling!”

Whoa.

I said to him, ”Oh no, no, young man. Happy smiling customers are not just showing up for you – YOU are creating them.”

He paused for a second and then replied with that same great smile, “Well. I don’t know how they got here – I’m just glad they CAME!”

I drove off and thought about what just happened. Here’s what I concluded:

That guy gets WAY more happy customers that the average customer service provider.
If I had a company and was hiring – I would have tried to steal him to come work with me.
He reflected REALLY well on National Car Rental (I’ve told this story 100 times)
He probably enjoys his life more than most people
He made ME really really happy

Bottom line: If you treat people like you are genuinely happy to see them – like THEY are so wonderful that just seeing their face makes your day by showing up – they will LOVE you and sing your praises to anyone who will listen.

I mean, after all, if you think THEY are so fabulous – you must be really brilliant.

New Job Title: Professional Encourager

Mon, 05 Mar 2012 08:00:00 GMT

I was a cheerleader in high school and college and I LOVED it! I LOVED cheering my team on with all the energy and enthusiasm I could bring. I just KNEW that on some level, those guys performed BETTER because of my encouragement and support. Well, my cheerleading uniform doesn’t fit any more. And trust me, you do NOT want to see me jumping up and down. There would be an “up-down” delayed reaction with some of my body parts that would leave people VERY confused. So now I have assumed a new role – and that is: Professional Encourager. I invite you to read this blog I wrote recently on another one of my blog sites and see if you’d like to join me!

How to Turn Off the Noise and Wake Up Refreshed!

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:00:00 GMT

I KNOW this happens to me – does it happen to you? You wake up EXHAUSTED because you worked frantically all night long – in your SLEEP? Read what Tami Evans says about this. See if you can relate – and then heed her suggestion about how to turn it off!

How to Live With – or Live WITHOUT – Your Cellular Phone

Mon, 20 Feb 2012 08:00:00 GMT

Oh my gosh! Read this post if you have EVER walked out without your cell phone. Talk about withdrawal and panic! Christine Cashen has CLEARLY walked in MY shoes! I LOVE her suggestions on how to overcome, as she calls it, “iAddiction”. This is DEFINITELY some of The Good Stuff!

The Funny Side of Marriage - Kelly Swanson

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 08:00:00 GMT

Oh funny, funny, FUNNY!!! Click HERE, watch the hilarious Kelly Swanson talk about marriage and prepare to laugh your proverbial butt off!!!

Motivational Speaker Sees Dead People

Tue, 14 Feb 2012 08:00:00 GMT

They ALMOST got me – those left-brained engineers. Click here to see what happened! It was a miracle!!!

How to Destroy a Relationship - With Four Simple Behaviors

Tue, 03 Jan 2012 08:00:00 GMT

Since the 1980's, John Gottman, a psychologist at the University of Washington has brought together over 3,000 couples to study their interactions and, based on how they communicate with each other, determine whether or not they will still be married fifteen years later. His accuracy rate, if he watches them interact for one hour, is a whopping 95%!

He has found that his information comes by focusing on the presence of what he calls the Four Horsemen: defensiveness, stonewalling, criticism, and contempt. And the most important one in determining if the marriage is in trouble - is contempt.

Could you unwittingly be engaging in any of those behaviors? It can happen. I think that I have one of the healthiest relationships in the world, but if I am reeeeally honest, I admit that defensive can creep into my interactions. I'm getting better, but I have to be ever-vigilant.

Here's a plan: Tell your mate that because you value your relationship with him (a man for purposes of this example) you want to make CERTAIN that you don't unintentionally do anything to jeopardize it. Tell him about Dr. Gottman's work and then ask him if you are ever guilty of any of those four behaviors.

Now, more than likely, you have never asked this before. And it's quite possible he could think, "Uh oh. This is a trap. The right answer MUST be 'No, never!'" Accordingly, if that is his response, do NOT drop it there. Persist by saying, "Honey, I know I probably don't do any of these to any large degree, but is there one I ever do just a little?

If he still says "Oh no. You're perfect," gently persist. "But, if there WAS one, what would it be?"

You might then get a response like, "Well, you hardly EVER do it. And it's not even worth mentioning, but sometimes, I can't even remember when - I think you might have a tendency to...um...criticize me..."

THIS IS THE MAKE-OR-BREAK-MOMENT!! RESIST the temptation to say, "What! Are you crazy? I don't ever do that!! Name a time - name ONE time!!!"

If you respond like that, he will more than likely clam up and your purpose will be totally defeated. The bottom line is - how can you ever correct a problem that you won't acknowledge and discuss?

Then, once it's up on the table you can tell him how much you appreciate him letting you know and that you will consciously work on correcting it.

DANGER! DANGER WILL ROBINSON! This is graduate level stuff! It is NOT easy to hear someone tell you that you are engaging in less than attractive behaviors. But just like that slogan button that I am so fond of quoting reads:

"The Truth Will Set You Free... But First It Will Piss You Off."

Ain't it the truth...

Linda Larsen, Humorous Motivational Speaker
Helping people bring their finest, best & happiest self to life!

I Photoshopped My Face - And I Like It

Thu, 15 Dec 2011 08:00:00 GMT

In my job as a motivational speaker, here's what I SAY that I believe: That we, as women, do not need to apologize for wanting to look our best! Hey - I've been nipped, tucked, lifted, plucked, enhanced, veneered, colored, sheered, whitened, brighted, lightened, tightened, plumped up,exfoliated, peeled and repeeled! And I'm not just OKAY with that - I'm DELIGHTED with it! So when I read the latest BRILLIANT blog post by my friend, Tami Evans,about how she shaves her peach-fuzzy "stache," and saw how unabashedly and unapologetically she was willing to share that info with us, I thought, "Sing it, sister!"

Ah but then an interesting thing happened. I opened one of my headshots that I'm turning into a huge poster sized picture for something (the one here), and there, before my very eyes, in hyper-magnified, larger-than-life size appeareda bazillionwrinkles, flaps, folds, creases, and splotches. I looked like the 98 year old Creature from theBlack Lagoon! I was aghast! So I whipped open Photo Shop and went to work. And in a very short time, I looked just like Jennifer Aniston! Okay, okay. Maybe not JUST like her, but less...floppy than I did before.

My husband walked in just then, took one look at what I was doing and said, "What are you doing? Oh, you don't need to do THAT! You look fine just like you are."

Okay, first of all, dude,"Fine" is NOT what I'm going for. Secondly, I noticed that when he said that I got a little bit (alright a LOT) defensive. Isnapped back, "Wait a minute! I don't have to apologize for this! I LIKE the way this looks! This makes me happy! I'm not a bad person! YOU are the bad person to suggest that I am a bad person! Go away!"

And then it hit me. I was SO apologizing for something that I SAY I don't need to apologize for! All I needed to say when he asked what I was doing was, "Having a BLAST!!!"

That's it. That's all. No defense. Zippo.

So this is me - owning my Photoshop skills. LOVING them, actually and willing to put them to good use whenever I feel like it. And here's my question to you: What do you do to make yourself look and feel better that you've kept hidden away because, "what would people think" if they knew? I'm just saying, when you can unabashedly own those things out in the life of day, it is one WICKED good feeling!

Linda Larsen, Humorous Motivational Speaker&
Helping people bring their finest, best & happiest self to life!

Beware of the Idiot Drivers

Mon, 12 Dec 2011 08:00:00 GMT

You know what I don't like? Bad drivers. Those crazy people who create a swath of mayhem and frustration everywhere they go. And wouldn't you know, I was the victim of one this morning on my way to Church. (And I know, I know. Motivational speakers are NO ONE'S victims.)

He was, of course, in the left, fast moving lane, going about 15 miles under the speed limit. I couldn't get around him because the traffic in the right lane was too heavy. And while every person within a five block radius of me got through the green light ahead of us, the moment he slowly crept up to it, it turned red and of COURSE, he slammed on his brakes. Grrrrrr.

At that moment I was able to slip over into the right lane and while I waited at the red light I could see what the man had been doing. He was reading his mail! Opening envelopes and reading actual mail! Unbelievable!

As I drove away I started talking to myself about all this: "I can't believe that! What an idiot! That was just ridiculous!" And as I'm talking, of course, I'm driving. And as I'm talking and driving, it occurs to me that I'm almost at Church and I don't have any lipstick on so I start fumbling in my purse for my lipstick. So now I'm talking, driving and putting on lipstick. And as I GLANCE in the mirror while I'm talking, driving and putting on lipstick, I see this person (moi?) doing EXACTLY what I was berating that mail reading man for doing! Multi-tasking behind the wheel!

I HATE it when I do the very thing that I'm annoyed with someone else for doing...

Moral of the story. Perhaps I shouldn't be so quick to judge others, AND it might be helpful if I do just ONE thing when I drive: drive. Hey. Maybe I just created one less idiot driver.

Linda Larsen, Humorous Motivational Speaker
Helping people bring their finest, best & happiest self to life!

The World - According to Me

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 08:00:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker who talks a lot about what makes people happy and successful, it is CRYSTAL clear to me exactly what needs to happen in order for the world to run smoothly:

YOU need to give HIM the benefit of the doubt.

That IDIOTdriving 45 mph in the fast lane, needs to move over!

THAT clerk needs to smile and at least ACT like he's happy I'm giving him my money.

SHE needs to shut up.

THEY need to include HER.

HE needs to lose that dorky '70's tie-dyed t-shirt.

MY HUSBAND needs to organize his office.

And on and on and on.

We ALL have rules about the way the world SHOULD work. But here's the problem. We ALL have rules about the way the world should work -AND a whole lot of our rules don't match. Enter: Conflict.

So, here's my new rule: After we have our initial thought about "that's wrong; he shouldn't do that; she shouldn't wear that, etc," we start training ourselves to 1) stop and 2) immediately think, "MY rule, NOT hers."

"Whoa. She should NEVER have said THAT!" Stop. My rule, not hers.

"He SHOULD have let ME have the first choice." Stop. My rule, not his.

"Why in heaven's name did she use THAT horrible color paint!!!" Stop. My rule. Clearly not hers.

Now here's the deal. If the behavior that you are reacting to affects you directly, it is your perfect right to simply ask for a new behavior. But here's the cool part, when you have NOT assigned a wrong/bad/stupd/idiotic motive behind that action - you won't have some high emotional charge impacting your communication. You will have a neutral, relaxed, calm demeanor when you ask if they would simply do "x" instead of "y". And that will increase the odds you will get what you are asking for.

So if you want to be happy, have fabulous relationships, and enjoy tremendous success in all areas of your life, then you should practice this technique.

Stop. My rule. Not yours...

Linda Larsen, Humorous Motivational Speaker
Helping people bring their finest, best & happiest self to life!

Do You Have a Love / Hate Relationship with Facebook?

Thu, 13 Oct 2011 07:00:00 GMT

Has this ever happened to you? You "pop" onto Facebook to check a few things, and then 30 minutes later you find that you have been sucked into a vortex and arestaring,transfixed,at videos of cats paying the piano. You look up at the clock and go, "Shoot! (or some other expletive) I'm supposed to be at the dentist in 3 minutes!"

Okay. I'm going to propose something here:

Facebook is NOT either good OR bad - but thinking makes it so. (Thanks, Will). Seriously, it IS what you say it is. Can it help keep you connected to people that you might otherwise totally lose track of? Yes! (dangling participle and all...) Can it give you a much needed break from facts, figures and seriously annoying people? Yes indeed. Can you occasionally get inspiration, good ideas and sound advice? Absolutely.

And - conversely - overuse of this puppy can plunge youinto a hole so deep that if you don't get that regular FB Fix, you start jonesing really badly. (Methinks you KNOW of what I speak here...)

So what's a mature, responsible, pyschologically grounded person to do? Here's what I propose:

1. Set a time of day and time limit (or better yet - "window" ) for FB surfing.Example: After dinner in the evenings, I'm going to check in FB for 10 to 15 minutes. Then, set a timer if you need to. Hey - if I don't set a timer for boiling my eggs, I wind up with hardlittle oblong rocks that smell reeeeeeeeally bad.

2. Control your settings on FB so that you ONLY get the email noticesthat you want.

Oh listen to me. Like I know ANYTHING about settings... But I do know this - whenFB changed the default settings recently so that I do NOT get an email notice for all posts that havesomething to do with me or something I have commented on - my FB time went down DRAMATICALLY!

BTW:If you have ANY thoughts or suggestions about how you manage your FB time,let me know!I would appreciate it! Gottarun.The timer just went off. Myeggs are done.

Here's to Laughter! Prepare to Fall Out of Your Chair!

Sun, 18 Sep 2011 07:00:00 GMT

We all know that laughter lowers blood pressure, boosts the immune system and that there is a decrease in stress hormomes (cortisol, adrenaline and dopac) - and an increase in beta-endorphines (which lowers feelings of depression.) And yes, laughter burns calories, feels good and makes us more attractive.

So, as a messenger of all things happy, hopeful and healthy, I encourage you to watc THIS VIDEO featuring the BRILLIANT Bill Cosby. No, not later - now. Click on it and prepare to have one of the best laughs you've had in a LONG time! Your day is about to get a whole lot better!

Oh, and make sure you have on waterproof mascara and have recently peed.

Linda Larsen, Humorous Motivational Speaker
Helping people bring their finest, best and happiest self to life!

How to be Happy...or at Least Happier

Thu, 15 Sep 2011 07:00:00 GMT

Have you ever looked in the mirror and thought, "Whoa! Who IS that scary looking person?" Yes, well, yesterday morning that's exactly what happened to me. So I called my fabulous aesthetician, Sandra Day at Neoderm in Sarasota, and made an appointment for today.

Fast forwward to about 10 minutes ago when I emailed my friend Lynette to say that I would contact her later this afternoon since I had a facial at 3 p.m. She responded, "Happy to see that you're taking some 'Linda' time!"

My very first, automatic thought was, "Oh no, this isn't 'Linda time,' this is something that I HAVE to do." I mean, as a motivational speaker I am on the road SO much and all that air travel takes its toll on my face!

What? What is THAT? I HAVE to get a facial?" Oh no, no, no, no. I immediately realized that my thinking was pitifully skewed. I instantly reframed everything.

I don't HAVE to get a facial, I GET to have a facial. I don't HAVE to walk my doggies; I GET to walk my doggies. I don't HAVE to send that proposal to my prospect; I GET to send that proposal to them (how many other speakers would be THRILLED to have this opportunity). I don't HAVE to go to the grocery store; I GET to go!!!

Seriously. If you just think about this, it all makes sense. We are so ridiculously blessed! I've personally got about 9,301,567,230,301 things that are fabulously right and wonderful in my life and I hereby choose to focus on that! Because let me tell you - the instant that I shift my focus, from the FEW things I can complain about, to the MASSIVE number of things to be grateful for - I get happy!

So bye for now. I GET to go fold some clothes! Yippee!

Linda Larsen, Humorous Motivational Speaker

Sleep Like a Baby - A Happy Bed for your Aching Back

Fri, 02 Sep 2011 07:00:00 GMT

According to Dr. Michael Roizen, about 65,000,000 people suffer from back pain. He also says that you are likely to have a serious episode with your back once every 15 years of your life. Strangely, that's the same schedule that divorce runs on for some people. A coincidence? I think not! It's rather hard to be chipper and happy when your back is cranky!

So I'm not claiming that I have found the secret to curing back pain for everyone, but I HAVE found something that is so brilliant for mine that it makes me weep for joy. And because of that, I want to let everyone who also suffers from this debilitating condition know about my REMARKABLE discovery!

Before I tell you about this, please know that I have bought and tried every single "Newest and Greatest Mattress" known to mankind. I have had 3 different Tempur-pedic mattresses, a Sleep Number Something-or-other, a Sealy Posturepedic Super Duper Pillow Top Miracle Bed....whatever. And NOTHING really helped. Until now...

Enter: Simmons 100% Latex Mattress. Yippee! Hooray! Ding, Ding, Ding! Homerun! I LOVE this bed - LOVE it! My back feels instantly better when I'm lying in it, but even better, after a GREAT night's sleep, I feel really good with I get out of bed in the morning. It's my all-time greatest discovery EVER, except for TiVO, SendOutCards,and my iPhone. It's quite expensive and worth 5 times what I paid. I only wish I had stock in the company!

I conclude with a question. If I now have the "happiest" bed in the world, will I defy all the divorce odds? I'm thinkingI will.

Over and out,

Linda Larsen, Motivational Speaker

Find the Funny - and I'm Not Kidding

Wed, 31 Aug 2011 07:00:00 GMT

I said to my husband, as he was preparing to leave for the grocery store a few minutes ago, "While you're there would you please get a half gallon of Edy's vanilla bean ice cream - no sugar added, half the fat."

Well, I heard him say, "okay," and I saw him nod his head, but for some reason, I just KNEW he wasn't actually listening. How did I know? Because in our fourteen years of marriage, one of our big issues is that sometimes, as hard as he SAYS he tries, he doesn't REALLY listen when I talk. I say it's a choice. He says it's a brain issue.

So I asked him just before he left, "John, just checking. Not that I doubt you for a moment, but what kind of ice cream did I ask for?"

He didn't hesitate, "Ah ha! You think I wasn't listening! Well I was! You want Edy's vanilla bean -no sugar added, half of this and that."

At first I thought he was kidding, but as I looked at his face, I realized he wasn't. He repeated, "Yeah. Half of this...and half of that....two kinds.......right?"

At this moment in time, I was faced with a choice in how I would respond. I could say to myself, "I'm going to run away from home. I always wanted to be a nun. I look good in black. Now's the time." And trust, me, after 9,642 incidents similar to this one the nunnery sounded like a fine option.

Or, I could do what I did. I said to him, "Well you WERE listening! Good for you! Yes! Get the one with half of this and half of that."

He turned and out the door he went.

And in that moment, I made a another choice. I decided that when the phone rings in a few minutes (and make no mistake, it will ring), I am going to be soooo busy that I just can't get to it in time to answer it.

Don't you wonder what the grocery store clerk will say when he asks for Edy's vanilla bean ice cream with half of this and half of that...?

Over and out,

From your motivational speaker Linda Larsen, who LOVES ice creamMotivational Speaker

The Case for Kindness

Fri, 15 Jul 2011 07:00:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker focusing on communication, my early work was with trial lawyers. I helped them communicate more effectively in the high stakes environment of the courtroom. So when I saw this in the news lately, I knew it needed closer attention.

Latest insider information from someone overseeing the jurors' deliberations in the Casey Anthony trial: Apparently the jurors were NOT happy about the fact that the attorneys for the prosecution never said "good morning" to them each day, but the defense lawyers always did.

What? Which lawyers said "good morning" to them actually became a topic of conversation?

Apparently it did. And that makes us wonder - is it even possible that the "perceived" unkindness of the prosecution factored in ANY way whatsoever with the jurors' verdict? We would all hope not. But I feel fairly certain that if they indeed DID perceive the prosecution team to be unkind - they would have been wrong. But does it actually matter that they would have been wrong?

Consider these three communication principles:

Everything you do or say, and how you do or say it (including what you do NOT say or do) communicates something
The meaning of any piece of communication lies only in what the receiver PERCEIVES it to mean
The receiver of the communication RESPONDS in a manner consistent with that perception

All this tells me that perhaps one of our greatest tasks in life is to be able to effectively manage other people's perceptions of us.

So I'm curious - when was the last time someone thought YOU weren't being kind? I'll bet they were wrong, weren't they?

Linda Larsen, Motivational Speaker

But I Don't WANT to Rub Elbows

Wed, 29 Jun 2011 07:00:00 GMT

I got the opportunity recently to practice a technique that is very effective in dealing with, as I have laughingly called them, "People who don't behave."

First of all, here are the 4 things to do before you address the problem:

Let go of the idea that the other person is WRONG for doing what he did. He did it. It's done. Hold, instead, the interpretation that although his actions don't work for you, they made perfect sense to him.
Keep your voice level and calm.
Maintain an open, relaxed face.
Use as few words as possible. Think "short, simple and direct."

Picture the scene: We are boarding the plane. I sit on an aisle seat next to a man who is already seated in the center seat. His wife was on the other side of him, next to the window. I place my bag under the seat in front of me, buckle my seat belt and settle in for the flight. I notice that his elbow is firmly planted on the armrest between our seats so I gently slip my elbow behind his and claim the back section of the armrest.

It is at this point that he shifts his weight in his seat and makes certain that his elbow presses harder against mine. I'm talking quite hard. His nonverbal comment screamed, "Oh no you don't! I had this armrest first and you're not getting it!"

The passive part of me wanted to quickly remove my arm and then silently fume for the next hour. The aggressive part of me wanted to dig my elbow back into his arm and show him that he couldn't bully me, by gosh! Instead the assertive part of me stepped up to the plate and handled it GREAT! Incorporating all 4 of the above elements, I said, "I tell you what. I'll take the back half of the armrest and you take the front. Does that work for you?"

I sounded so even, unflappable and straightforward that I kind of stunned myself. Whatever the outcome I knew in that moment that I handled the situation effectively. And then, after a brief hesitation, he mumbled, "Yeah, I guess that's OK." Then he relaxed his arm and let me have half the space.

You gotta love it.

Practice this technique - a lot. In low-risk situations. With your dog, your cat, your unborn child. You'll get good at it. You'll develop a really good habit. And you'll be able to rub elbows with the best of them!

Erroneous Assumptions - the Stuff of High Drama

Fri, 24 Jun 2011 07:00:00 GMT

Have you ever known, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that something happened a certain way, only to find out later that it didn't actually happen that way at all? Does the following story sound familiar?

Juliet assumed that Romeo would get the message that she was going to drink a potion that would make it appear as if she were dead. He didn't.

Later Romeo found her lifeless body in a tomb, saw the empty poison bottle lying next to her and assumed that she was dead. She wasn't.

Overwhelmed by the loss of his true love, Romeo then killed himself with a knife. Juliet woke up moments later and found him lying dead next to her. Stricken with grief - she then killed herself.

Oh, the tragedy of erroneous assumptions.

Unfortunately, incorrect assumptions are not simply reserved for literature. They are occurring around us all the time. And because of them, conflicts occur, relationships are strained and actions are taken that may actually create a problem that wasn't ever there!

Example: Jill walks by Mark. He says "hi" and she doesn't respond. He assumes, "What's her problem?" He treats her a little coldly the rest of the day. She notices this and wonders why he's being so standoffish. She decides not to invite him to lunch with the rest of the team. Reality: Someone a few feet away coughed at the exact moment he spoke and she didn't hear him.

Do you see the trap here? Do you see how an erroneous assumption actually created a problem? And why do we make such negative assumptions? For one thing, it is estimated that the average person has about 40,000 thoughts per day and that about 80 to 90 percent of them are negative. Well, there's part of the problem right there.

Another contributing factor may be our tendency to take things so personally. Most of the time, it isn't about us! We are simply not the center of everybody else's world!

The bottom line is this: we don't have to make these negative assumptions. We can make different, more empowering, and much wiser choices when confronted with these types of situations.

We could simply ask for clarification. Mark could have said, "Jill, I noticed this morning when I said 'hi' to you, you didn't respond. That's not like you. Is something wrong?" That could have cleared things up right there. And if there really was a problem, the door has now been opened for discussion.

Here's another idea. When something happens and you find yourself starting to assume the worst, try doing the following 3 things:

Stop.
Simply breathe.
Ask yourself, "What other possible, logical, positive reason could there be for this to have happened?" Keep asking the question until you find a reason that would make sense.
Behave as if that explanation were true.

When you do this, you'll notice there's no negative energy around the event. You feel good, you are more pleasant to be around, people like you, and life is just a little easier.

Let's keep all that high drama where it belongs: in books, on the big screen and in television soap operas.

Linda Larsen, Motivational Speaker

Grunt If You're Hearing Me...

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 07:00:00 GMT

There is no one for whom good communication is more critical than airline pilots. They MUST be able to clearly hear and understand the transmissions they receive. But what I've learned is that it doesn't stop there. There is another step that is equally as important in their communication model.

After hearing the transmission, they must CONFIRM that they received it.

Here's the exact transmission I heard a while ago when I was a passenger in a small plane preparing to take off:

Controller: "6686 Delta, taxi into position and hold."

Pilot (as he taxied): "6686 taxiing into position and holding for takeoff."

Controller: "6686 Delta, cleared for take-off."

Pilot: "6686 Delta, cleared for take-off. Starting take off roll."

The air traffic controller does not ASSUME that the pilot hears what they are saying. They expect confirmation that they were heard.

Oh what a terrific model for all of us. Here are a few applications:

When you get an email, unless they specifically say, "no need to get back to me," hit reply and type, "got it," "thanks," "I'll check on this and get back to you." Something that lets them know you got the message.
When someone is telling you something, do not assume that simply giving them eye contact will indicate your understanding. Tell them that you understand, or that you need more information if you don't.
A family member makes a comment like, "Wow, I really liked that movie." Give them SOME kind of indication you heard them: "Me, too," "I'm not sure how I feel about it," "Well of course you would like it, you're weird." (Maybe not the last one.)

Bottom line: If you are the RECEIVER of someone's message, whatever form that takes - let them know you heard them.

Linda Larsen, Motivational Speaker

The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing But The Truth

Mon, 30 May 2011 07:00:00 GMT

I believe that most people are truthful, most of the time. I assume, as I am sure you do, that when someone tells you something, you can trust that they are telling you the truth. It would be way too much work to assume otherwise. If you had to stop and analyze the veracity of every technician, salesperson, friend, relative, boss and co-worker each time they spoke to you, you'd be exhausted by nine a.m.!

Accordingly, I was somewhat taken aback by the comment of a salesman this past week. I was supposed to pick up a specially designed area rug at a local carpet store on Monday. When I called to see if it was ready, the salesman said, "I'm not going to lie to you. It's not done."

I was caught off guard. I hesitated a moment and then I said, "OK. How much longer will it be?"

He stammered, tripped over a few words and then replied, "Well, I'm not going to lie to you. He hasn't actually started it yet."

I may be slow, but after the second time, I started paying attention. Why was this man continually saying he wasn't going to lie to me? I ASSUMED he wasn't going to lie to me – but his repeated comments to that effect left me confused and doubtful. I then began to wonder if he had lied to me in the past, if he was lying to me now, or when he might start lying to me in the future.

As I later analyzed the situation, I came to a logical conclusion. Someone who tells the truth in life doesn't have to preface any statement with, "I'm not going to lie to you." It doesn't OCCUR to them to lie to you, so it doesn't occur to them to tell you that they are NOT going to lie to you.

Here's all we need to remember:

Tell the truth.
Don't use those words!

In fact, here are a few other related comments that you also would be well served to avoid: They are:

"I'll be perfectly honest with you…"
"To be completely honest…"
"Can I be frank with you?"

Right.

If someone said "Can I be frank with you?" I'm afraid I'd be tempted to reply, "What? Are you crazy? Of course you can't be frank with me! I want lies, do you hear? Blatant, elaborate, convoluted LIES!"

Well, it would get their attention, anyway.

Here's the bottom line: When you make a habit of telling the truth and avoid using damaging statements like the ones above, you enhance your credibility, build trust and strengthen relationships.

Oh, and you know I wouldn't lie to you about this.

Linda Larsen, CSP, humorist and motivational keynote speaker, brings entertaining, content-rich, hilarious and riveting presentations to conferences world-wide. She is passionate about helping people realize their fullest potential in every area of their lives andlive withwhat she calls, "Honker Happiness." Best-selling author of 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem audio program, 5 video programs and the critically acclaimed book, True Power. She can be reached at http://www.lindalarsen.com and 941-927-4700

Leaping for Joy

Tue, 24 May 2011 07:00:00 GMT

All I said was, "I want to take a picture of you loving this beautiful beach." That's all I said. And I watched as he ran into the water with all his clothes on and leapt around like a 4 year old. John Scalzi, my fabulous playmate, my funny Weather Muffin and above all, my greatest teacher.

That's when I figured it out. In order to really, truly and unabashedly experience joy, one must embody a pretty high level of confidence and be willing to look silly. Better yet, perhaps those joyful people don't even THINK about looking silly! Maybe they just feel good enough about themselves that they are unwilling to lose an opportunity to be happy because of "what others might think." Man.

We could learn a lot from a Weather Muffin.

Seek & Ye Shall Find - But only if you want it reeeeeeeally badly

Mon, 23 May 2011 07:00:00 GMT

I am going to make the following bold assertion: If there is anything in this lifetime that you want, you absolutely positively can get it. IF you want it badly enough.

Now, of course, I am talking about things that are somewhat realistic. You just might not become the Pope, no matter how much you would like to. And maybe, if you are 96 years old, you won't master the 4-minute mile. But for most of us, it is totally possible for us to achieve exactly what we want.

Examples:

Walt Disney asked hundreds of people for the money to finance Disneyland before one of them said yes. He found the help he needed because he wanted it reeeeeally badly.

Lucille Ball was told by teachers in acting school that she had no talent and should give up the business. She ignored their advice and kept at it because she wanted it reeeeeally badly.

Jackie Nink Pflug was a passenger on the Egypt Air Flight that was hijacked en route from Athens to Cairo in 1985. She was shot in the head, thrown onto the tarmac and lay there for 5 hours, presumed dead. Later rescued, it was determined that her severe head injury had left her with epilepsy, limited vision, learning and speech disabilities. Doctors told her she would never read beyond a third-grade level, drive a car or teach again. She went on to become one of the most sought after, inspirational, powerful, professional speakers I have ever seen. And she did so because she wanted it reeeeeally badly.

I was told, after the break up of my 15-year relationship (at age 46), that I would never be able to financially take care of myself and wouldn't even be able to pay the real estate taxes on my house. I went on (in six short years) to publish a book, a best selling audio program, over 75 articles in national publications, receive numerous awards, become a professional keynote speaker AND pay the real estate taxes on my house because... I wanted it really, really, really badly.

If you have a strong enough WHY you truly can:
Move mountains Find answers when others would have long given up
Persevere when you feel too tired to continue
Inspire others to want to help you
Motivate yourself in a heartbeat just by focusing on that "why"

So here's your job. Think of one thing that you want passionately. Then list all the reasons why you want it and why your life will be so amazingly fabulous when you get it. Actually write these things down. Then, each and every morning, read your list. As you read it, visualize your life with these things as a reality. See them, feel what it will feel like when you achieve them. Experience the pride, the joy, the self-respect. Emotionally associate with each and every aspect of the picture. Laugh out loud! Sing for joy! Skip the light fantastic!

I assure you, no one will be able to stop you when you begin to take action. You will be so motivated by what you have seen and experienced and you will want it really, really, really badly.

You WILL achieve your goal.

Linda Larsen, CSP,humorist and motivational keynote speaker, brings entertaining, content-rich, hilarious and riveting presentations to conferences world-wide. She is passionate about helping people realize their fullest potential in every area of their lives andlive withwhat she calls, "Honker Happiness." Best-selling author of 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem audio program, 5 video programs and the critically acclaimed book, True Power. She can be reached at http://www.lindalarsen.com and 941-927-4700

The Frown, The Smirk and The Snort - Part II

Thu, 19 May 2011 07:00:00 GMT

So in my previous post, we learned what you should NEVER do when someone says something you absolutely know is incorrect. Today, let's look at some things you can do when facing this situation:

Check out what's inside your brain. It should NOT be, "I'll show her how wrong she is." It should rather be: "Hmm. I wonder if she knows something I don't know about this."
Listen. Listen. Listen. Let her say everything she has to say before you interject anything (especially that frowning, smirky, snort.)
After you have heard her, say the following words: "Wow. That's interesting. That's not what I understood about this. Tell me more." (I know... probably the LAST thing you want to say.)
If you need to share what you think to be true, you can later say something like, "That really is interesting. I had been under the impression that...(here you can share your understanding.) But I certainly could be wrong."

Watch what happens! You will be surprised how many times the other person says, "Oh, well, maybe I'm wrong too, but..." Or maybe they won't. But one thing is for sure; you didn't make her look wrong and/or be bad and you have not only spared a relationship, you may have actually strengthened it.

There is a bonus to this technique, also. To her - and especially to anyone watching - this approach will make you look really, really good. You see, if you are indeed right that she is wrong, the other people in the room probably know it also. Then, if you do NOT attempt to correct her, the onlookers will see you as a person of grace, compassion and caring.

And what was it your mother use to tell you? I think it was something like, "Wipe that smirk off your face!" Good advice. *** Are you a visual learner? If so, checkout the video blog this coming Friday for an entertaining and funny review of this topic.

Linda Larsen, CSP, humorist and motivational keynote speaker, brings entertaining, content-rich, hilarious and riveting presentations to conferences world-wide. She is passionate about helping people realize their fullest potential in every area of their lives and live with what she calls, "Honker Happiness." Best-selling author of 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem audio program, 5 video programs and the critically acclaimed book, True Power. She can be reached at http://www.lindalarsen.com and 941-927-4700

The Frown, The Smirk and The Snort

Tue, 17 May 2011 07:00:00 GMT

I saw it. The look that came across his face after Peggy made some benign comment. The frown, the smirk, and then - the snort. Everything about his nonverbal body language said, "You are a complete jerk for saying that. You are so wrong. You know nothing. What an idiot you are."

And then, fearing he hadn't been blatant enough nonverbally, he said the actual words: "Well, that's wrong."

Flat. To the point. Cutting like a really sharp knife right to the center of her heart - and her pride.

I saw her embarrassment. I felt it. I noticed that the other people at our dinner table also felt it as they looked away and shuffled nervously in their seats.

And yes, I wanted to say to him, "Excuse me????? Exactly who's being the idiot here?" But then - I would have been guilty of doing the exact same thing that he did. Only I would have deluded myself into believing that it would be OK if I did it to him - because, after all, he deserved it. But then that was precisely what he thought, too, wasn't it? Didn't he think, "It's OK if I say this to her - because she is obviously sooooo wrong and needs to be set straight."

Oh, how we can justify making someone else look bad.

I know there have been times in my life when I have been absolutely certain, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that something someone said was wrong. And I can remember immediately jumping in to tell them how it really was. Why? Because I, like you and everyone else on the planet, have a need to LOOK GOOD AND BE RIGHT. Yep, I'll own that one. And even though I may tell myself that I was more diplomatic than that gentleman was, I'm certain now that the impact was the same.

The problem is that when I have to point out to you, and anyone within earshot, how right I am about something and how wrong you are - I am thereby making YOU look bad. And the bottom line? You won't like me. You won't want to be my friend, hire me, promote me, say "yes" to me, buy my products, and on and on and on.

So what do you do when someone says something you know is incorrect? Well, most important; never, ever do what that gentleman did in front of other people. It is bad enough to do it in private - but if any other human being is around - it is absolutely verboten.

So what do you do? To find out, check back on Thursday to read part II of The Frown, The Smirk and The Snort...

Linda Larsen, CSP, helps individuals think strategically, communicate effectively, and celebrate success. She is an international keynote speaker, trial consultant and author of the book, True Power, and the best selling audio program, 12 Secrets to High Self-Esteem. She can be reached at www.lindalarsen.com or 941-927-4700.

Ten Terrific Tips to Tame Tension

Sat, 24 Jul 2010 07:00:00 GMT

As a motivational speaker specializing in healthcare issues, I've discovered a few thing about managing stress that have helped me tremendously. So if the stress of your job (and/or "life") becomes so great that the muscles in your neck turn to stone, your teeth lock in to a permanent clench and everyone in your life starts getting on your nerves, it may be time to turn to one of the following ten action ideas guaranteed to calm you down and restore your sanity.

Breathe. Deeply, fully. Count slowly to 6 as you breathe in and see if you can breathe out to a count of 8. Focus only on the sound of your breath, the feel of your chest expanding and the image of oxygen permeating and relaxing the muscles in your neck and back.
Get away. Ok, so maybe you can’t get on a plane for Bermuda in this moment – but you certainly can go anywhere you choose in your imagination. Take 3 or 4 minutes and visualize yourself in your favorite vacation spot. See the details, feel the relaxation, hear the waves crash, smell the pina colada.
Stretch. Yes, get up and move away from your desk if possible. Bend over; stretch your arms up over your head. Do gentle neck rolls. Stretch your fingers, your calves and your toes. Send oxygen rich blood to all those extremities that have been working overtime.
Play that funky music. Keep a Walkman somewhere close by. Take a break, put on the headphones and let the music fill your heart, soul and body.
Walk. Take a quick walk around the block, the building or the office. Brisk – like a person with a purpose. Carry a stack of papers. You’ll look like you are on a mission and people won’t bother you.
Laugh. Nothing releases tension and calms frayed nerves better than a hardy laugh. Nothing to laugh at you say? Poppycock. Just laugh! Seriously, just start guffawing. You’ll be surprised at how the sound of your own big phony laugh will make you…well, laugh!
Ask for help. This may seem obvious, but there are too many times when we get in a hyper work-like-a-crazy-person mode and we forget that we don’t have to do everything ourselves. Tell a co-worker or supervisor or your secretary that you are on overload and need some help.
Slather on the lavender. Often called the “Rescue remedy,” lavender calms, releases and balances strong emotions such as frustration, irritability and nervous anxiety. Keep a little bottle of essential oil, a candle or dried lavender sachet close by – and inhale deeply.
Drink it up! Hot chamomile tea, that is. Taken with a little touch of honey, chamomile tea is soothing and calming.
Put things in perspective. When I am the most stressed out at my job, it frequently helps to remember that I am so very, very blessed to HAVE a job, when so many others don’t. I am lucky to have my good health, a loving family and a clear mind. Say a silent prayer of gratitude.