An article in Psychology Today reported that women who “self-silence” during arguments with their spouses are four times more likely to die over a ten year period that their peers who express themselves.
I don’t know about other women, but I do know that when I have something I need to say that is important, it actually HURTS not to be able to express it. I can feel my whole body reacting negatively when some little sensor tells me to “keep it quiet.”
And WHY might we do this self-silencing routine? Well, we might be operating on auto-pilot. Did you hear any of these messages growing up – more than once?
- If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything all
- Little girls – sugar & spice and everything nice
- Don’t hurt his feelings – he might not like you anymore
- Children should be seen and not heard
So women friends, pony up! Do what my friend, Meryl Runion suggests: “Say what you mean. Mean what you say. And don’t be mean when you say it.”
It just might save your life.
From your motivational speaker Linda Larsen…who could probably use a little self-silencing from time to time…
Good post. Many arguments I have with people, especially those persistent in controlling the conversation, I receive their comment with a pinch of “mean-ness” with them.